i recorded this 2 weeks into the experience of posting a video at 45 subscribers and then my video got a bunch of views & suddenly i was at 1,500 (at the time of me recording this) and now (6 weeks after the video) i'm at 5.5k subscribers.

btw the funniest part of this video to me is the fact that i was holding my headphones to the phone to try and record the beginning on the phone so i could sync it, but it didn't work. i didn't test it i just went for it. i saw brain jordan alvarez do it on his dancing videos so i thought it was a genius move of me to do that but really i had to sync the music by matching it up with my lipsyncing so i could've just had the headphones on from the start. LOL. this article is interesting (about the web and speaks on internet fame a bit).
listen. i've never had over 1000 people follow me on anything. i used to really want 1000 followers on instagram. but ever since i made my website i realized i didn't really want random followers, i wanted FAANSSS. B-)

but what is a fan? what is fame? what am i really after? why am i making videos? why am i making music? what will i do once i have fans? wait - what will i do now that i have fans? all questions i have asked myself every single day since my video started getting more and more.. and more views.

at 45 subscribers - i was crossing my fingers that my mp3 video would help me maybe get to 50. and now im at 5,562. that's a lot of people. i got like 1,000 comments on my mp3 video. i'll say it again. a lot of people.

it's genuinely a strange feeling. people liked my video so much they watched the entire video. they liked it so much they went over to other videos i made & went to my website and left me such nice comments everywhere... i was in shock. i still am.

and the thing is - marcika is both a persona and who i am down to my core. marcika isn't the name i was born with, but it's what my parents have called me since i was a child. i always liked being called marcika the most. it was my hungarian identity. i was called marcika by my entire family in hungary, but something else in america, where i spent most of my time.

i was born in & grew up in los angeles. lived there until i was 20. there were things i loved about it and things i hated, but something i'm glad about is what it taught me about fame. there's some things you can only learn being in such close proximity to it, and i learned that the entertainment industry in los angeles is a toxic black hole that eats peoples dreams and spits them out in a easily digestable, consumer friendly package that makes you forget why you dreamed in the first place.

one day i'll go more into my experience growing up in LA... it's a story close to my heart, especially because i had a difficult childhood.

this song was released in 2017. i became a fan of theo katzman's as this album was released. (i heard about him thru vulfpeck. i had a friend (hi tucker lol) who really liked them but tbh i didn't give a deep listen until i got a crush on a guy in community college (i literally don't remember his name) who looooved vulfpeck so i was like okay time to get into vulfpeck now. i loved his voice on back pocket and animal spirits and learned he had solo stuff. i quickly became obsessed with him. his music and lyricism meant a lot to me at the time and he really inspired me to figure out who i am and put that as straightforwardly into my music as i can.



i recorded this video in Városmajor park in Budapest, Hungary :-) i was staying in the hotel across the street and really enjoyed taking walks here! i was just listening to music in headphones and trying to live my life to the fullest & dance how i wanted to. i decided to set my phone down and record because i wanted to. and i did it even though i was shy. it's almost unbelievable even to myself sometimes that i get shy... but i do...

anywayssss ... i dance because its fun. and i make videos because i think it's fun. and i like knowing people are watching me & i especially like it when i can touch someone's heart.

i've been having some health issues for the past 6 months. i've been lying in bed for the past week since i got home from my trip, totally rotting. just letting myself absolutely dissolve into nothing, hoping i can regain enough of my sanity to come back into the mortal plane of existence. im really desperately trying to stay afloat. and i realized after coming home from my trip and chatting with people from 40 different countries (i did a hungarian language program summer camp thingy) - everyone across the fucking world is having this same issue. we're all so tired, we don't get paid enough, life's simplest joys are becoming harder and harder to aquire and we're all over it and don't know what to do.

maybe i want to share my music and my videos with the world because it's really scary and lonely here in the world. even if you're strong and think you have it figured out, i know you have those moments too. the moments where you wonder what all of it is for. well sometimes it's all for that moment in a park where you heart a song that speaks to you and you can't help but dance.