Sudan Archives - DEAD
Discovered this song by youtube homepage recommendation. Not my favorite way to discover music, but when a song is this good, WHO CARES!!!
Far from hearing a beautiful sound, I sit alone in a room. I stare at a computer screen. What am I waiting for? I am the only one who can choose the next move. I am the only one.
Embittered as a result of my own missteps and standstills, I stare at a computer screen. At my computer screen.
My eyes glaze over.
Sick of the algorithm, sick of the youtube homepage, sick of myself. Still, I click on my bookmark to youtube.com, simply titled “y”. I am recommended a song titled “DEAD”. On the thumbnail, a girl stares up at me, camera positioned in a top-down view, darkness surrounding her. I wonder what the song will sound like, so I click.
Her violin playing. Her lyrics. Her voice. Then the beat comes in. This song brought me to life the first time I heard it, and it has continued to bring me to life since then.
I wonder what she had in mind when writing the lyrics, but I feel that they’re all dedicated to past, present, and future versions of herself.
“TELL ME HAVE YOU SEEN HER?
I JUST HAVE TO KNOW
HAIR IS RED LIKE FIRE AND SHE’S BEAUTIFUL
I NEED TO SPEAK TO HER ON THE TELEPHONE”
Is this about someone else? Is this about herself? Personally, when I hear this lyric and the desperation in her voice with the following “phone.. phoooneee”, I imagine wanting to speak to dead versions of yourself.
Suddenly, the drop comes. Dance. Dance for “her”.
“WHERE MY OLD SELF AT?
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE
WHERE MY NEW SELF AT?
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE
WHERE MY LIGHT SIDE AT?
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE
WHERE MY DARK SIDE AT?
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE?”
Every version of herself exists in the moment of this song’s creation, and subsequently every version of myself exists when I listen to it.
At 2:54 when that light violin melody comes in, it feels as if I am born anew. Again and again and again and again, I become born again each time I hear it.
The breakbeat drums, the synth/bass pulses… the words:
“HELLO, IT’S ME
DO YOU MISS ME?
JUST TAKE THIS PIECE
THE BEST OF ME “
As a musician, the moment I create something that feels like “ME” musically… I would say that is the “best of me”. Every time I perform… it’s all I am… it’s all I have… all I’ve ever wanted to be.
That sentiment reaches me not simply through her words and the song, but through her performance in the video itself. Quite simple in parts of its production (one set, one outfit), the complexity comes with the camera movements, lighting, and her performance. It feels like a controlled possession.
The reason I love this song so much is it reminds me of the feeling I succumb to everyday. Sudan Archives leads me through the journey of that feeling, and I gladly let her take the reins. The feeling I’m talking about is something I find hard to put into words. Maybe the feeling is simply just the passing of time. But I’d say it’s the passing of time in relation to self, in relation to our experiences - internal and external. Those moments we will never relive again, the moment we are in currently, and the moments we have yet to live. A mixture of mourning, thrill, and the simple reality of existence.
This moment won’t be mine forever, but it is mine right now.
So I click to listen again and again and again and again.
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And as always, comment or email any music recs to m@marcika.club and I'll check them out :D